The point
People who ask more questions, especially follow-up questions, are liked more. The ones who are “good at small talk” aren’t funnier than you. They let the other person be interesting.
Glossary
Follow-up question
A question about what the person just told you. It proves you listened and keeps them talking.
From the lesson
Follow-ups are where it starts
Then keep pulling. A study of speed-daters and online chats found that people who asked more questions, and especially follow-up questions, were liked more. Follow-ups prove you listened. “What do you do?” is fine. “What’s the best part of that?” is where the conversation starts.
Cheat sheet · Two follow-ups before a new topic
Pull the thread they gave you before you offer one of your own.
Drill step 2
Open Speak, choose Small talk in Options, and answer the line out loud using ARE, then imagine their reply and ask a follow-up. Five rounds. Then run the Networking drinks scenario in Practise a conversation.
Where it is taught
- Day 2 · Small Talk That Goes Somewhere: How to make small talk at networking events and work drinks
- Day 17 · Listening People Can Feel: How to be a better listener: mirroring, labelling, and follow-up questions
Where it comes up
- Day 3 · Eye Contact Without the Stare: How long should you hold eye contact in a conversation?
- Day 6 · The Deliberate Room: Practise first impressions and small talk at a real event
- Day 7 · Week 1 Review: Week 1 review: measure your speaking pace and fillers
- Day 8 · Confidence Is a Verb: How to build confidence at work: act first, feel second
- Day 11 · The Authority Effect: How to speak with authority: conclusion first, one reason, no hedging
- Day 15 · Say Less, Land More: How to make a point clearly: PREP and the rule of three
- Day 20 · Tell One Story: Practise telling one story at a dinner or at drinks
- Day 21 · Week 3 Review: Week 3 review: record your best story
- Day 24 · Presenting to a Room: How to give a presentation: hook, one message, three supports, call to action
- Day 26 · Your Practice Plan: How to keep improving your speaking: a ten-minute weekly loop
- Day 27 · The Full Run: Practise everything at one real event
In practice
Examples from the course that use it.
Five rounds out loud
Line: “Busy in here tonight.” You: “It is. I only came because my boss wanted a body here. Are you a regular at these?” Then a follow-up to your own imagined answer. Strange, and it works.
In the car before work
Speak, Small talk mode, car park, 8:50. “So what do you do?” You answer with ARE out loud, imagine the reply, ask a follow-up. Five rounds. By the fourth you stop looking in the mirror to check nobody is watching.
Video call
When the client talks, you watch her face on the screen, not your inbox. When you talk, you glance away to think, then come back to the camera. At the end she says “Thanks for actually listening”, and books the follow-up before you ask.
Related terms
- PaceHow fast you speak, in words per minute. Around 140 to 160 is easy to follow; slow down for the key points.
- Two sighsTwo physiological sighs: a big breath in through the nose, a short top-up sniff, then a long, slow breath out through the mouth. Do it twice. It can help you settle.
- Clean exitLeaving a conversation without an excuse or apology: say what you enjoyed, then what you’re doing next.
- HedgesSoftening words like “just”, “maybe”, “sort of”, “I think”. A few are fine; lots make you sound unsure of your own point.
- PausesSilences of a second or more while you talk. Deliberate pauses sound composed; very long ones can sound like you have lost your place.