How to make small talk at networking events and work drinks

Picture it · 5 examples

• Example The queue for the coffee cart

  Conference, 8:40 am, the coffee queue is twenty deep. You say to the man in front, “At this rate we’ll be here till lunch.” He laughs. Four minutes later you know he runs procurement for the account you have been trying to get into for a year. The coffee queue was the ramp, not the conversation.

• Drinks & dinners The dead ten minutes before the dinner

  Everyone is standing with a drink waiting to be seated. You turn to the person nearest: “Do you know anyone here, or are we both winging it?” She is the client’s new finance director. You are seated next to her by chance. The next two hours are easy.

• In the office Waiting for the projector

  The meeting cannot start until IT arrives. Eight people in silence. You say to the one across from you, “What’s the rest of your week look like?” By the time the screen comes on, you know she owns the budget line you need.

• Selling Before the demo loads

  The buyer is watching the loading bar. You say, “How long have you been fighting the old system?” Twelve years, it turns out, and he tells you exactly what he hates about it. Your demo now has a script.

• On a call First minute of the client call

  Before the agenda, you ask: “I saw the flooding on the news. Did it reach you?” They spend two minutes telling you about the sandbags. The negotiation that follows has a warmth it did not have last month.

Picture it · 5 examples

• Example The lift after the session

  “That one ran long” (anchor). “I only came for the second speaker, I follow her work” (reveal). “What brought you?” (encourage). Three sentences. You walk out of the lift still talking, and he is the head of the division you want to move into.

• Drinks & dinners The empty seat at the awards table

  You sit down next to a stranger and say, “They’ve put us at the back, which I take as a compliment. I’m only here because my boss couldn’t make it. Which table were you meant to be on?” She laughs and tells you. You have a conversation and a contact before the entrée.

• In the office The office kitchen

  You say, “The good coffee pods are gone again. I’ve started bringing my own, which feels like defeat. How long have you been on this floor?” She turns out to be the new GM. Two weeks later she asks for you by name on a project.

• Selling The trade show stand

  A visitor stops at your stand. You say, “Busiest I’ve seen this hall. We nearly didn’t come this year. What brought you along?” The answer is a problem your product solves. You did not pitch. You said three sentences and listened.

• On a call Video call waiting room

  You and one other person join early. You say, “Nice bookshelf. I’ve got the same lamp, I think. Where are you dialling in from?” When the others join, the two of you are already allies.

Picture it · 5 examples

• Example The month in Japan

  The client mentions she just got back from a month in Japan. “Oh nice, I went in 2019,” you say. Conversation dies. Try again: “A month. What was the day you’d go back for?” She talks for three minutes with her hands, and the meeting after it goes your way.

• In the office The one-on-one

  Your manager says the conference was good. “Good” is a wall. “Which session would you send me to?” is a door. She talks for five minutes and you learn what she thinks the team is missing. That is next quarter’s project.

• Selling The discovery call

  The prospect mentions they just switched systems. Weak: “Great, we integrate with that.” Strong: “What pushed you to switch?” The answer is the whole sales case, in their words. You just have to repeat it back.

• Drinks & dinners The supplier dinner

  He says the new site opens in March. You could move on. Instead: “What’s been the hardest part?” Then: “What would you do differently next time?” By dessert he is telling you about the contract he hasn’t awarded yet.

• On a call The call-back

  “You said last time the board was nervous about timing. How did that land?” Silence, then: “You remembered that?” The call is already won.

Picture it · 4 examples

• Example Waiting for the meeting to start

  “These rooms are always freezing. I’ve started bringing a jumper to every meeting on this floor. Are you on the project too?” She is, and she tells you which part is behind before the meeting has started.

• Drinks & dinners At the bar before the client dinner

  “They’ve done this place up. Last time I was here it was a steakhouse. Have you been before?” He has, with the previous supplier. You learn why that supplier lost the account before the entrée arrives.

• Selling Showroom floor

  “Busy Saturday. We’ve had three people in for that exact model already. What brought you in today?” He tells you the old one died on Thursday and he needs something by Monday. You now know the sale is about delivery, not price.

• On a call Video, before the others join

  “Looks like we’re the early ones. I always join two minutes ahead to check the audio. Where are you dialling in from?” Perth, and the time difference is why she is quiet in these calls. When the others join, you make sure she gets a turn.

Picture it · 4 examples

• Example Conference drinks

  Not “What do you do?” but “What are you working on that you’re actually enjoying?” You get a real answer, and a real conversation, instead of a job title.

• Drinks & dinners The dinner table

  “How do you know the host?” launches a story about a start-up in 2014. “What do you do?” launches a department name.

• In the office New colleague in the kitchen

  “What’s been the best part of the first month?” People light up. Nobody asks them that.

• Selling Networking night

  A business owner at the networking night. Not “What do you do?” but “What’s been the biggest win this year?” He talks for four minutes about a contract, and by the end you know what he needs next. Everyone else at the table got his job title.

Picture it · 3 examples

• Example After their update

  “What was the hardest part of getting that over the line?” then “What would you do first next time?” Only then do you mention your own project. By then they are asking about it.

• Drinks & dinners The travel story

  At dinner she mentions a month in Bali. “What made you stay that long?” Then: “What would you do differently?” Only after that, your trip. By then she is asking about it, and the host later says you two “got on like a house on fire”.

• Selling The objection

  “Too expensive compared to what?” then “What would it need to do to be worth that?” You now know the real objection, which was never the price.

Picture it · 3 examples

• Example The brainstorm

  “We could launch it at the trade show.” Not “The timing’s wrong”. Instead: “Yes, and if we do, we could get the three biggest buyers in the room first.” Ideas survive long enough to be judged.

• Drinks & dinners The pub after work

  “That reorg is a mess.” “Yes, and the bit nobody’s talking about is who owns the budget now.” Even if you half-disagree, you have joined the conversation instead of correcting it.

• In the office The client’s complaint

  “Your support line is slow.” “Yes, and Tuesdays are the worst. Which day did you call?” You accepted the feeling, got the fact, and kept the relationship.

Picture it · 4 examples

• Example End of the corridor chat

  “Good to hear the pilot’s going well. I’ve got a two o’clock. Let’s catch up properly next week.” No apology, no fake phone call. Eight seconds.

• Drinks & dinners The function

  “I’ve loved hearing about the expansion. I’m going to say hello to Priya before she leaves. Find me later?” He describes you afterwards as “easy to talk to”, even though you were the one who left.

• On a call Ending the call

  “This has been useful. I’ll let you get back to it. Summary in your inbox tonight.” Three sentences and the call ends warm instead of trailing off.

• Selling Leaving the stand

  “Great to meet you, Dave. I’m going to do a lap before the keynote. I’ll send that spec sheet tomorrow.” He remembers that you used his name, made a promise and left without fuss.