How to remember names and make people feel important

Picture it · 5 examples

• Example The MD who remembered

  Six months after a five-minute conversation at a conference, the managing director asks “How did the Lisbon launch go?” You are stunned. She did one thing: she listened, and she wrote it down afterwards. You would walk through a wall for her now.

• Selling Two salespeople

  One remembers your product codes. The other remembers that your daughter started school in February and asks how it went. You buy from the second. You know you are doing it. You do it anyway.

• In the office The manager who asked

  “How did the dentist go?” Your manager remembered a thing you mentioned once, last week. Five words. You work harder for her that month, and she did not ask you to.

• Drinks & dinners The dinner

  The guest who talks about your interests, not his, is the one you want to sit next to again. You remember his name. You cannot remember a single thing he said about himself.

• On a call The opening line

  “Last time you mentioned the audit was looming. How did it land?” The client talks for two minutes before you have said a word about the renewal. The renewal is easy.

Picture it · 6 examples

• Example Specific compliment

  “Great job” after Mei’s presentation is forgotten by lunch. “The way you handled the CFO’s question, slowing down and giving the number: that was sharp.” Six months later Mei still mentions it. Same ten seconds. One was specific.

• Selling Name early, name late

  “Thanks for making the time, Priya.” Then forty minutes of business. Then: “Priya, I’ll send that by Friday.” Her name, twice. She remembers the meeting as personal. It was.

• In the office Phone face down

  In the one-on-one your phone is face down and stays there. Your report notices. Her last manager answered messages while she talked. She never told him anything that mattered.

• Drinks & dinners One detail

  Networking drinks. Last time you met, he mentioned his firm was moving offices. You open with “Did the move happen?” He lights up. Everyone else opened with what they do.

• Hard conversation The difficult peer

  You tell him his handling of the angry client was exactly right, and which sentence did it. He is suspicious for a second, then disarmed. The next disagreement goes differently.

• On a call By name, start and end

  “Morning, Tom.” Twenty minutes. “Thanks, Tom.” It costs nothing and he describes you as “good on the phone”. You said his name twice.

Picture it · 5 examples

• Example Four handshakes

  The reception. “Nice to meet you, Sarah.” Thirty seconds later: “Sarah, what brought you here?” Attached: Sarah, green jacket, Melbourne office. Four handshakes in, you still have all four names. The person beside you has already lost the first one.

• Selling The client’s team of five

  Five names in the first minute. You repeat each as you shake hands. In the meeting you use them: “Dev, this is the part you asked about.” Afterwards their head of IT says you were “the first vendor who knew who we were”.

• In the office Twelve names in a week

  New team. Hear it, say it back, use it once in the next minute, attach it to a desk or a project. By Friday, twelve. The last new starter was still saying “mate” in month two.

• Drinks & dinners The dinner for eight

  You attach each name to a seat and one thing they said. When you leave you say eight goodbyes by name. Two people mention it to the host.

• On a call Video, new faces

  The names are on screen. Use them anyway: “Thanks, Anika.” It still lands as attention, and it trains the habit for rooms where there are no labels.

Picture it · 2 examples

• Example The sequence

  A new client’s reception, three people in a row. “Nice to meet you, Tom.” Thirty seconds later: “Tom, which part of this is yours?” Attached: Tom, beard, finance. Three handshakes in, you have three names. The person beside you has already lost the first one.

• Selling The room

  Four buyers in the first minute of the meeting. You repeat each name as you shake hands, which slows the handshakes down and looks like confidence anyway. Forty minutes later you say “Anika, this is the part you asked about” and she sits up.

Picture it · 3 examples

• Example Something they did

  “The way you handled the timeline question, giving the date before the reasons. That was sharp.” A moment, not an adjective. Six months later Dev still mentions it. “Great job” would have been forgotten by lunch.

• In the office To someone you manage

  “The summary you sent on Tuesday saved me twenty minutes.” He knows exactly what to do next time, and he does it. “Good work” would have been pleasant, and he would have had to guess which work.

• Drinks & dinners At dinner

  “The way you drew that quiet guy into the conversation was kind.” Said quietly to the host. She remembers it for a year.

Picture it · 3 examples

• Example Per person

  After each conversation at the conference, one line in your phone: “Sarah, Melbourne, moving offices in May.” Three weeks later you see Sarah in a lift. “Did the move happen?” She lights up. You had the opening because you wrote it down.

• Selling The account

  One detail per client, in the record. “Daughter started school in February.” The renewal call in March opens itself: “How did the first weeks go?” She talks for two minutes, and the renewal takes five.

• On a call Before you dial

  You read the one line before you dial: “Audit looming.” You open with it. The first minute of the call is theirs, about the audit, and the rest of the call is easier than any you have had with him.

Picture it · 3 examples

• Example Face down

  Phone face down on the table for the whole lunch, not glanced at. She tells you about the restructure, which nobody else has heard. Presence is visible, and so is its absence, and she has had a month of its absence from everyone else.

• In the office The one-on-one

  Laptop closed. Chair turned. The whole body says this is the only meeting. Your report says things she would not say to a screen.

• Drinks & dinners At the table

  Eight people, seven phones on the table. Yours is in your pocket. By dessert you are the one everyone is talking to, and you have not said anything especially interesting. You have just been there.

Picture it · 2 examples

• Example The test

  After the coffee you ask yourself: did she leave feeling more interesting than when she arrived? Yes, because you asked about her project and remembered the detail from last time. That is the heart of charisma, and it cost you nothing.

• Selling After the meeting

  The buyer leaves feeling smart about her questions, because you said “That’s the right question” twice and meant it both times. She was not dazzled by your answers. She calls back anyway, and that is why.